10 Things that offend women that (most) men don’t care about

1. Someone not calling them back
The preamble to this rant means the next sentence will reek of hypocrisy, but like every woman in the universe (any woman that disagrees is a hermaphrodite and doesn’t know it) I hate it when a man I like doesn’t call me back .

In fact if done persistently it probably ranks as one of the top 5 reasons that I would contemplate if ‘I'll bring arms house to your mums house’
* ‘I'll bring arms house to your mums house’ is Grime for an ignorant futile altercation that escalates into violence for no apparent reason. It finds its root in a song called POW! which can only be described as the best grime song. Ever.

2. Not texting/emailing/skyping/facebooking/(insert oversaturated form of communication) back

3. Forgetting Birthday’s
If you forget a woman’s birthday you are on her X List. I’ll rant about the X List at a later date, but even without expounding on this construct I’m certain 90% of the women reading have an idea what it is.

4. Their friend’s new boyfriend that they don’t like
Do I really need to expand?

5. A woman that occupies an opposing position to her in the Beyonce debate

If I had to be really crude I’d separate women into three chunks
a) Beyonce haters
b) Beyonce worshipers
c) Women that for the purpose of this debate don’t matter because they screw up my analysis.

Girl 1 “Beyonce’s sooooo overrated, she can’t sing and she’s not that pretty. Kelly’s so much better she just never got a chance”

Appalled that ignorance of such greatness still exists in twenty oh nine, Girl 2 says “Stop hating” Then launches into a less than compelling argument in defence of Beyonce Sasha-Fierce Knowles-Carter.

By the end of the discussion both women will not only be offended but dislike each other, all because of Beyonce.

6. A woman that lies about her dress size

Social fact for the day: Every clique has a member who is a liar.

If you don’t agree with the above
a) You’re probably the liar and haven’t come to terms with it
b) You’re the naïve member of the clique

In the male clique the liar is the guy that is always talking about how much money he’s making but everyone knows he’s broke. He stunts with a bottle of Belvedere in the club knowing full well there’s no water coming out the tap at his house.

In the female clique the liar is the girl that insists she’s two dress sizes smaller than she actually is. Her delusion causes her to buy clothes that don’t fit. Most women find such women offensive, because they tend to be the type of woman that like to steal boyfriends and is always copying someone’s clothes.

Does a man care if a woman’s a size 12 but she says she’s an 8? Of course not. Well unless he’s a Beta Male. And Beta Males don’t count.

7. Criticising Primark/whatever their favourite shop is

The fact that I still receive hate mail concerning this has taught me two things

1) Primark is legal (fabric) crack
2) If you critique a woman’s favourite shop she will be offended.

Whereas men don’t care enough to take it personally if you critique their favourite clothing brand. Unless they’re Beta Males *cough Kanye * and as we know (all together now) Beta Males don’t count.

8. Borrowing clothes and not returning them/returning them in substandard condition

I should have put this higher up because after someone stealing their boyfriend and feeling unappreciated, it’s one of the top 3 reasons for the premature demise of female friendships.

9. Men that cheat

Women hate men that cheat. The only things that women despise more than men that cheat are women who knowingly cheat with them and men like Chris ‘I hit girls’ Brown.

On the other hand cheating men don’t offend men because according to Nameless men get it. And they get it, not because they’re all cheats, but men understand that you can be a good guy and do bad things.

10. Pretty women who don’t want to be their friend
I know many women for whom this doesn’t apply, but I know a significant chunk that it does. So it’s made my top 10.

The perverse messages being fed to women by the media combined with the unrealistic beauty standards that they’re expected to match are basically a cocktail for craziness. Ergo many women get slightly unnerved/curious/jealous when a woman of superior/equal attractiveness enters the room. They’ll never admit it but they do.

Now if this woman is attractive and aloof they will be offended. And they will; express their offence by criticising the woman’s attire/appearance when all they really want is to be friends.

And a non-Beta Male will never be offended by a pretty woman who doesn’t want to be his friend, he’ll only see it as a challenge.

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